Ever wonder why some people can walk into a room and earn immediate respect while others fight to get their ideas heard? What is that separates a message that falls flat and a message that inspires people to do something? Is it just Charisma, or is something a bit less inadvertent going on?
I’ve spent years with leaders all over Australia, from the busy corporate towers of Sydney to the inventive tech hubs of Melbourne and I’ve realised that persuasive communication is not some elusive birth right, it’s a skill, something you can learn and then, well, own.
The Foundation of True Influence
Let me tell you a story that would not be more relevant than now. A year ago, I was coaching Rebecca, who was a regional manager for a mining company based in Western Australia. All the technical expertise in the world wasn’t helping her, team meetings were treated like a lecture hall led by her, and her proposals were continually tossed by senior management.
In a coaching call one day Rebecca said, “David, I’m an expert in my field, but I open my mouth and my message falls flat. People nod politely, but nothing happens.”
I shared with Rebecca the three key elements to influential communication that I have coined the “three pillars: credibility, empathy, and adaptability. These are not merely buzzwords, but building blocks that turn commonplace conversations into change making ones.
Credibility is being perceived as honest and knowledgeable. But there’s a catch, expertise alone is not sufficient. You need to have knowledge that puts into the vantage of the listener.
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in the shoes of your listeners, in which you actually believe in and share your listeners’ perspective, issues and motivations. It’s the bridge that delivers your message from your head to theirs.
Adaptability is whether you can change the message, tone and the way you deliver it based on who you’re talking to, and what they need to hear.
Rebecca’s Communication: These principles had enabled Rebecca to change the way she communicated in just three months. Her team meetings turned into “Collective Brainstorming Sessions”, and her most recent project was not only approved but also received additional resources. The difference? She was learning to speak with influence, not just authority.
Knowing Your Audience The Key to Connection
How well do you know the people you hope to affect? I had to learn the hard way back in the early days of my career doing a presentation of a new leadership development program to a group of tradies in Newcastle.
I arrived with my slick PowerPoint, corporate speak, and frameworks. By 20 minutes in, there were glazed eyes and stirring. Finally Jake, an old school sparky chipped in: “I can see this is good for management up in head office, but how does it affect us on the spanners?”
That was a defining moment and a very clear message to me in terms of the lesson with that particular individual: influence starts with insight. You could have the most brilliant message in the world, but if it doesn’t reflect the reality of your audience, it is just noise.
Now, as I prepare for important conversations or presentations, I ask myself three questions:
· What does my audience want to know most?
· What challenges are they facing?
· How will my message help them overcome their troubles or reach their desires?
When I revolutionised that program for Jake and his crew to concentrate on practical leadership skills they could apply on job sites, the reaction was completely different. They were participatory, asking question and sharing their own. That’s the power of audience centric communication.
The Art of Verbal Mastery
Words have power, but it’s not just what you say, it’s also how you say it. I recall Michael, a talented software engineer who’d been promoted to team lead at a tech startup in Adelaide. He had amazing ideas but his team had a hard time getting behind them.
“They just don’t listen to me,” Michael whined in our first session.
When I sat in on one of his team meetings, I immediately saw the problem. Mary: Michael spoke in a monotone voice, he used technical jargon half the team did not even understand and that he used so much jargon that not once did he check for understanding. The message was good, but the delivery was putting people to sleep.”
We worked on three key areas:
Clarity and Simplicity: how Michael learnt to take advanced topic and make them easy to understand with simple explanations and analogies. Rather than say “We need to optimise our algorithmic efficiency,” he was saying “We need to make our system faster and more reliable.”
Varying his voice: We worked on varying the tone, the speed and the volume of his voice to make sure people stayed listening and to make sure that the earlier and more important things got more attention. Sometimes, silence really is golden, a pause in just the right place can be more powerful than any word. Reading the room is key.
Storytelling: Michael started adding little stories and examples to his explanations. The stories are what people remember, not the principles.
The transformation was remarkable. Team morale increased, project times decreased, and Michael started to be known as one of the company’s most impactful leaders.
The Silent Language That Speaks Volumes
Did you realise that according to research 55 percent of communication is body language, 38 percent is tone of voice, and the actual words we use to communicate make up only 7 percent? This means that more than 90% of your impact comes from the way you say something, not what you say.
I discovered this lesson in a big way when I was coaching a senior accountant who, let’s call her Jennifer, who was having a tough time with her male client counterparts in the room. She had excellent qualifications, deep insights and experience, and yet her advice was often questioned by her clients.
While role playing, I observed that Jennifer’s nonverbal behaviour didn’t reflect her verbal responses. She would not make eye contact, hunched in her chair, made few gestures. (In her words, “I’m confident in this analysis” vs. everything else, which says “please don’t challenge me.”)
We focused on what I refer to as the “confidence triangle”:
· Position: Standing or sitting erect with shoulders back
· Eye contact:Engaging people in the room for real connections.
· Body language: The use of specific hand gestures to emphasise points
The change was immediate. In her very next client meeting, Jennifer told me that the prospect accepted her suggestions, no questions asked, and then wanted to give her more work.
Your body language has to augment your message, not contradict it. When you get your verbal in line with your non verbal, you are a force to be reckoned with.
Building Unshakeable Trust and Credibility
Trust is the coin of influence and, like any coin, it needs to be earnt before it can be exchanged. I frequently tell the leaders I coach that credibility is won in drops and lost in buckets.
Let tell you about Peter, a general manager at a new Manufacturing plant in Geelong. The work force, sceptical when he arrived. The prior manager had made promises he couldn’t meet and morale was at an all time low.
Peter kept it simple, emphasising small, consistent actions that built integrity. He began visiting the factory floor each morning, learning the names of his employees and, most important, making only those promises he could keep.
When a major equipment failure jeopardised production deadlines and it would’ve been easy for Peter to promise the impossible to clients, Peter honestly shared the behind the scenes trouble and rolled up his sleeves to solve problems with his team. This candour was initially painful, but ultimately deepened his bond with his team and clients.
A year later, and Peter had turned around the culture at the plant. Satisfaction of members along employees skyrocketed along with the Highest level of client retention ever. The secret? He knew that trust is built when we say what we do and we do what we say.
Navigating Resistance with Grace
How do you deal with it when people resist your ideas? Resistance is not your enemy, it’s information. It informs you of what your audience cares most about and where you must spend time building your influence.
Recently I was working with Lisa, a Change Management Consultant, who was having a hard time gaining stakeholders’ support for her digital transformation project at a traditional retail company. The senior management team was in a domestic, citing cost and disruption worries.
Rather than bashing the reader over the head with facts and figures, Lisa did something unusual. She paid close attention to their concerns and understood that their resistance wasn’t so much about the technology as it was about fear. Fear of having to make staff redundant, fear of losing the personal touch their business was known for, fear of the unknown.
Lisa reframed her entire approach. Instead of digital transformation, she spoke of “strengthening customer relationships through technology.” She demonstrated how the new systems would liberate staff to spend more quality time with customers, not displace them. She answered all concerns honestly and directly.
The result? Complete buy in and support from the Management team. Lisa had come to know that influence is not about defeating resistance, it’s about understanding resistance and finding common ground.
The Ethical Foundation of Influence
However, here’s a question that all of us as influential communicators need to grapple with: At what point does persuasion turn into manipulation? The line is actually clearer than you’d guess, and it’s a difference based on intention.
Ethical influence seeks mutual benefit. It’s about helping others see things they might have missed and how to make choices that benefit them and you. In contrast, manipulation is something that only has a benefit for the Communicator, and that benefit comes frequently at the cost of others.
I often say to the leaders I coach: “If you wouldn’t be comfortable having your influence strategies made public on the evening news, don’t use them.” Genuine influence creates connections, manipulation severs them.
The people in my life who I have seen continuously make changes are people of integrity. They know that the only thing anyone ever succeeds in gaining via manipulation in the short term is lost credibility in the long term.
Concluding Remarks
Finally, the big question is this: What would your life look like, in your career, in your relationships and with your own potential for maximum positive impact if you could communicate with influence?
The methods I’ve explained aren’t abstract ideas, they are actual practices that have changed the lives and careers of hundreds of Leaders all around Australia. From Rebecca in the mining industry to Michael in tech, from Jennifer in accounting to Peter in manufacturing, all found that influential communication isn’t about having a voice that’s louder, it’s about having a more meaningful one.
It’s what you say and that has the power to move people to act, to bridge gaps, to change things for the better. But with that power comes responsibility. Use it well, use it ethically, use it in service of something greater than yourself.
The issue isn’t “if” you can learn to Influence, the question is whether or not you’re ready to accept the power that comes with it. The decision is ultimately up to you.
What will your voice do today?